So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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