I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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