I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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