would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think your dad took our porno
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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