just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
