I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she peed on how many people?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
