I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
