Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
