OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
