I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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