im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
