We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
