I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
