I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
