I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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