Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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