she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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