..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
how can u be prego again
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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