you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
