It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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