You kept calling me your small dog last night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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