just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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