you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
