Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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