i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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