so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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