At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
