my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
