I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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