pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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