so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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