Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
