you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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