no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
