the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
