Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
