I'm gonna have a badass scar
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
