my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
