why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
