"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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