I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
