shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
