sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
