i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
