from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
