thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
