drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
