idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
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