The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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