Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
