I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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