My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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