Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
