Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
