her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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