Having a random hookup so left but love u
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
