The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
